kehilangan itu menyakitkan

salam...

maaf kerana saya seakan on off saja dari blog saya. satu kerana line internet ni macam tak bagi ruang saja untuk saya memblogging. keduanya, saya dalam proses untuk "sembuh". Cuba untuk menyembuhkan luka sendiri tanpa menggunakan orang lain tapi dengan menginsafi diri sendiri. Actually i would like to thanks Ramlee Awang Murshid for his Novel. 4 buah novel yang really open my eyes and help me to know myself well. eventhough itu cuma rekaan. tapi berdasarkan logik akal, apa yang dia cuba sampaikan itu semuanya benar.

to be honest with myself and you guys, i totally lost him. Kehilangan itu suatu yang amat menyakitkan. He dumb me for good. I Know him well, insyaALLAH. but yet i still confused and don't even know why this things happened. Maybe this is part of ujian dan dugaan which i have to gone through. I just pray ALLAH givin me strength to face this. I do Love him with all my heart and without any harm. to accept the fact that he was no longer mine was totally give a deep hurt and killin me. But yet, what else can i do? Pujuk? Rayu? atau melutut depan dia hari2? No. i'm letting him go. not because i'm a looser, but i want to find myself back. To pray and seeking for ALLAH help. May he was the choosen one for me. Satu yang selalu saya ingat tentang dia. kejujuran dan ketelusan hatinya. betul cakap orang, bila kita sudah kehilangan, baru kita rasa bahawa kita sangat menyayangi dia. i admit, i was trully in love with him.

He is not the first, but insyaALLAH i want him to be the last. setiap kali saya bersama seseorang, saya akan bertanya apa pentingnya saya untuk mereka. Siapa saya untuk mereka. most of them answer "untuk jadi kekasih" or "untuk jadi pasangan hidup". and one day, i asked him the same question. and expecting him to give the same answer. then suddenly he answered "saya mahu kamu menjadi pelengkap hidup saya dunia dan akhirat" dan saya terkedu. it's more than what i'm expecting him to answer me. Ya ALLAH, jika benar dia milikki dan dia jodohku, Satu kanlah hatiku dan hatinya, permudahkanlah urusan jodohku dengannya, dan wujudkan lah kerinduan di dalam hatiya hanya untuk ku"

dear friends,

pray for me... for me and him. May one day, ALLAH Mendengar doa-doa kita dan menyatukan dia dan saya.. i'm hopeless, i'm totally sad, but i won't stop praying. Do pray for with me. Kehilangan ini benar-benar menyakitkan saya~~~!!!!

trully hurt

Ratna Sang Ratu